Umbrella Academy Meets WWE
by Celestial Nightmare
Summary: Some UA fanfics in which the superheroes are WWE wrestlers, and some others have been added. Includes many different genres.
1. UA: Intro

**A/N: These are a series of short stories based on Gerard Way and Gabriel Ba's Umbrella Academy. The stories feature the seven heroes in the comic, as well as ones myself and ExtremeXShinyXHeartagram created. **In this fanfiction, each superhero is a WWE wrestler [although in the story they're not actually working for WWE, but they will wrestle at points and have the personalities of the scripted characters]. Hopefully this makes sense...Enjoy :D

...P.S. Unless you watch wrestling you probably won't get any of the humour. Just thought I'd warn you...

* * *

**The Background**

43 extraordinary children were born to 43 unsuspecting mothers. Many of them died, but a space alien disguised as a human [by the name of Sir Reginald Hargreeves], found seven of them and raised them. As they grew up he helped nurture their powers.

* * *

**Our story**

Hargreeves is dead, and many more of the 43 children are now emerging from the shadows, their powers ready to be used to save the world; or to destroy it.

* * *

**Enter heroes.**

_**Spaceboy. a.k.a Jack Swagger.**_

Super strong with a gorilla's body [transplanted after a failed mission to Mars]. He may be strong but is overtly dim-witted, egocentric, and is incapable of dressing himself without help. Bless.

_**The Kraken. a.k.a Edge**_

He can hold his breath indefinitely and is very good at detective work. He despises Spaceboy and is usually quite hostile towards most members of the Academy. His best friend is The Kinesis.

_**The Rumour. a.k.a Melina**_

Everything she says becomes truth. She has an average human daughter and is divorced. Out of the Academy members, she is the most in touch with her human side.

_**The Séance. a.k.a Kizarny**_

Able to contact the dead, he is morbid and dry-witted. He likes black and funerals.

_**Number Five. a.k.a Chris Jericho**_

The most intelligent of the bunch and has the ability to time travel.

_**The Horror. a.k.a Kane**_

He had the ability to release monsters underneath his skin, but allegedly died a long time ago. The causes have not yet been revealed.

_**Vanya. a.k.a Lita**_

Seemingly powerless with low self-esteem. She once came close to destroying the world, only to have her plans flawed. She has recovered from her injuries gained from the incident, and has no recollection of anything that happened. She has a hidden capability to destroy the world; but no-one intends on reminding her of that.

_**The Cobweb. a.k.a Rey Mysterio**_

One of the two wholly good natured souls in the Academy, he is the real Spiderman.

_**The Springheel. a.k.a Evan Bourne**_

The other wholly good natured soul in the Academy, he has the ability to jump great heights and distances in a single leap.

_**The Chaos. a.k.a Rachel**_

The Chaos has intensive moodswings a lot, which proves difficult when her power surrounds the elements. The centre of her problems; The Reflection, and damn what a problem he is. She's rather hot-headed and insecure proving to be no help for elemental powers. _[written by The Chaos herself ;D ]_

_**The Reflection. a.k.a Jeff Hardy**_

Can walk into a mirror and appear out of any other mirror in the world. He keeps the events of his childhood a secret from the rest of the Academy, as well as the knowledge of the existence of his evil twin brother who works with the villains.

_**The Kinesis. a.k.a Christian/Jay**_

Beholding the power of telekinesis, he is a dry-witted practical joker. He is best friends with The Kraken and loves The Valkyrie.

_**The Valkyrie. a.k.a Rosei**_

Able to influence the emotions of any living organism, she can turn destructive world-threatening rival world leaders into caring friends. But that's boring. She prefers to use her power to cause conflict amongst the other Academy members for a laugh. A flirtatious joker like The Kinesis, she has had a long-standing secret crush on Number Five.

* * *

**Enter villains.**

_**Genius a.k.a Santino Marella**_

The one in charge of all the villains, he is seen as a criminal mastermind. In fact, he has no powers and the IQ of a pencil sharpener- but the only person who knows this is The Warrior, who is sworn to secrecy. The Warrior comes up with the plans, and The Genius takes the credit.

_**The Warrior a.k.a Triple H**_

He did something terrible years ago which only The Genius knows about. The second-in-command, The Warrior supplies clever ideas to The Genius, whom takes the credit. If The Warrior ever reveals the truth about The Genius being useless, The Genius will reveal the truth of what The Warrior did- which will tarnish The Warrior's reputation forever and may even get him killed. The Warrior is exceptional in battle.

_**The Zap a.k.a Maryse**_

She has the ability to influence electrical appliances and can electrocute her victims. Her favourite use of her power is shooting lightning bolts from her fingers.

_**The Undertaker a.k.a ...The Undertaker**_

Whereas The Séance communicates with the dead, The Undertaker has the ability to actually raise them.

_**The Flame a.k.a Natalya**_

A pyromaniac, she can breathe fire and produce it from her hands.

_**The Golem a.k.a Randy Orton**_

Has the ability to create an army of Golems from stone and clay.

_**The Crystal and The Ball a.k.a The Miz and John Morrison**_

Both have the power to see into the future and when required, can merge into one giant body with two heads to become super strong and very good at conducting espionage work. They are friends but are always trying to outdo each other, particularly when it comes to flirting with the ladies.

_**The Choke a.k.a Big Show**_

He can breathe clouds of toxic gas.

_**The Octopus a.k.a Beth Phoenix**_

She can transform into a super strong giant octopus. Think of Ursula from The Little Mermaid.

_**The Reflection a.k.a Matt Hardy**_

The evil twin brother of Jeff, he has the ability to walk into a mirror and emerge from any other mirror in the world. The villains have no knowledge of the existence of Jeff.

_**The Banshee a.k.a Jillian**_

Self explanatory don't you think?

_**The Piper a.k.a Jamie Noble**_

Looking like a rat, he can summon an army of killer rats from the sewers and make them do what he wants. Like the Pied Piper; except he doesn't need a pipe.

* * *

**Now you know the characters, onto the stories...**

Some of them will be funny. Some of them will be serious. Some of them you will find disturbing [Crystals Balls- story no.2- disturbs me and I wrote it...]. Some of them you might like. Some of them will be mysterious. Some of them will be just light, fun action. Going to try and equate for all tastes when more of these are written.


	2. Nails For Breakfast, Tacks For Snacks

**Being the first in a series of Umbrella Academy/WWE fanfics**

* * *

_**Featuring-**_

_Spaceboy a.k.a Jack Swagger_

_The Rumour a.k.a Melina_

_The Séance a.k.a Kizarny_

_Number Five a.k.a Chris Jericho_

_The Kinesis a.k.a Christian [Jay]_

_The Valkyrie a.k.a Rosei_

_

* * *

_

**_Rated- Random, slightly dodgy._**

* * *

**Nails for breakfast, tacks for sna****cks**

It is 12:30am In a London cemetery.

--

The Séance sits by the gates wondering why he is talking to a decapitated ghost about his love life...

When out of the sky descends...

A floating chariot.

"Nice." says The Séance.

KABOOM

It explodes. To reveal...

forks.

-

"Your control really is getting better you know Jay" says The Valkyrie.

"Thanks." says The Kinesis- a.k.a Jay. He senses The Valkyrie is hitting on him again.

The Valkyrie raises her eyebrows and grins.

The Rumour emerges from a coffin and looks from The Valkyrie to The Kinesis. _Time to stir up trouble_, she thinks.

"You know Jay, I heard a rumour..."

The Valkyrie springs up from the ground and starts to choke The Rumour in a flash.

"Back off, he's mine" The Valkyrie snarls.

She drops The Rumour back into the coffin and skips over to The Kinesis.

"Don't suppose you could transform that mausoleum into a torture chamber by any chance?"

"I can do something better," says The Kinesis playfully.

He concentrates and nails down the coffin lid.

-

"Séance have you been leaving conveniently placed nails lying around again?" says Number Five sternly.

"Kinesis has a tendency to use them humourously. Who am I to deny a man his entertainment?" says The Séance.

-

Enter Spaceboy...with his pants over his head. Bless him, still hasn't learnt how to dress.

"What's Kinesis up to now?" says Spaceboy.

"Nailing Rumour" says The Séance. The Valkyrie sends him a piercing glare. The Kinesis fires a nearby nail into The Séance.

"OW. Well, didn't know you were homosexual Kinesis." teases The Séance.

"What?" says Spaceboy, tyring to conceal excitement.

"He just nailed Séance " says Number Five, matter-of-factly.

Everyone can see Spaceboy's excitement.

"It was a pun dear. He hit him with a nail...so nailed him? Get it?" says Number Five, exasperated.

Spaceboy reverts back to his usual vacant expression.

"Never mind."says Number Five, before facepalming.

-

Meanwhile The Rumour has relented screaming to the lid of the coffin and is now having a friendly conversation about garden gnomes human rights to have drapes in their sheds.

-

...and our superheroes tuck in to cucumber sandwiches.


	3. Crystal Balls and Mae Young

**Being the second in a series of Umbrella Academy/WWE fanfics**

**

* * *

**

_**Featuring-**_

_The Warrior a.k.a Triple H_

_The Crystal a.k.a The Miz_

_The Ball a.k.a John Morrison_

_

* * *

_

**_Rated- Very dodgy. Disturbing._**

* * *

**Crystal Balls and Mae Young [a recipe for disaster...]**

2:53pm. The villains are at their mansion. It is a very boring day.

The Crystal and The Ball are playing poker in the games room, when The Warrior enters.

"Ladies," he says. "The Genius has a job for you."

"It's about time."says The Ball.

"You're to attend a party at the mansion of a wealthy widow called Mae Young. She has a potion that will enable The Genius to grow a menacing monobrow. She doesn't give things away without something in return, so you'll probably have to give her something she wants."

"Like?" asks The Crystal.

"I'm sure she'll make it obvious when she meets you." grins The Warrior. "You must do it tonight. Good luck. Enjoy the party."

–

At the party, The Crystal and The Ball are chatting up a young blonde with seven arms.

"Maybe you could enter the Palace of Wisdom someday," offers The Ball, his arm on the girl's shoulder.

"No. What he means is, maybe the Palace of Wisdom could enter _you_." laughs The Crystal, drunk. The Ball glares at him.

An awkward silence follows.

"Hey, wanna do a farting contest?" says The Crystal, and proceeds to release a fart the size of a small explosion. The girl does not approve and walks off. The Ball throws a disgusted look at The Crystal.

"What?" asks The Crystal, oblivious of his embarassing actions.

"You're so not cool." says The Ball bluntly.

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not." says The Ball for the last time. "Unless you've forgotten, you are The Crystal- a lovely lady's name by the way. Whereas I..."

He adjusts his coat on his shoulders cockily, pouts, and takes a large sniff.

"_I_, am The Balls." he says proudly.

"No. You're The _Ball_. Not plural- just one"

The Ball shrugs. "It's more than you have."

The Crystal nods and says, "True."

Surprised at this comback, The Ball lowers his sunglasses and says very seriously;

"You mean you..."

"Well. When I was younger..."  
"STOP." interrupts The Ball, raising his hand in the air. "I don't think I want to know actually."

The Crystal shrugs.

For a few moments the pair stand still, The Ball trying to take in the abnormal news he has just heard, while The Crystal is admiring a painting of a Henry Hoover. The awkward moments come to a standstill when The Ball notices their target; Mae Young- a young, beautiful brunette.

"Quick, go out the back and we'll merge into one," whispers The Ball.

"Oh but I hate it when we do that. It's so uncomfortable. And why do we always have to be in your body? Why not mine? Your body is nasty. Makes it hard to score girls." whines The Crystal.

"Surprised you score girls at all with your lack of genitalia." murmurs The Ball.

"What?" asks The Crystal.

"Nothing," replies The Ball quickly. He suddenly realises something and says, "OK we'll you use your body."

The pair go into the back room and merge into one body, then enter the party room again.

They walk up to Mae Young, who eyes up the giant body before her.

"You're giant." she says.

"That's not all that's giant." says The Crystal, wiggling his eyebrows and winking. Mae giggles excitedly.

"And what can I do for you boys?"

"Well, we'd like you to give us the menacing monobrow potion, and in exchange we'll show you what else is giant."

"You're on." she says immediately.

–

Halfway through showing Mae what is giant, her appearance transforms to that of an old woman. The Crystal screams.

"What happened to you?!" he cries.

"Relax, my potion just wore off. Thought I'd take a potion to make me look younger, just so I'd look nice for the party." she grins cheekily.

"So...you're really an eighty-something year old granny?" asks The Ball, horrified.

"Heehee, yes." Mae laughs.

The Crystal shoots a look to The Ball which obviously says

"I'm gonna puke, can we stop?"

But they need to get the menacing monobrow potion, so have to keep going.

The Ball's phone rings.

He answers. It is The Warrior calling.

"Hi. Just thought I'd let you know, Mae doesn't have menacing monobrow potion. Found it in The Piper's medicine cabinet. Was gonna tell you earlier, but didn't want to interrupt you enjoying the party." he laughs and hangs up.

"We have to go somewhere Mae, sorry." says The Ball.

The Crystal and The Ball separate and run away from the party. The Crystal is spitting and wiping his mouth several hundred times, trying to wipe off the Mae germs. The Crystal looks physically sick but The Ball is calm.

"So The Warrior set us up!" cries The Crystal hysterically, for the eleventh time. "If we can see into the future, why didn't we see this prank coming?!"

"I saw it." says The Ball simply.

"And you still went along with it?"

"Of course I did. Anything to see you get sexually attacked by Mae Young." grins The Ball.

"So that's why you agreed to use _my_ body?"

The Ball laughs smugly.

"We're a team! You could have warned me about this." cries The Crystal desperately.

"Not team. I make the decisions because I wear the trousers. You only wear the shorts."

"But your trousers are spandex. That's hardly manly."

"Who are you to comment on manly after our discussion earlier this evening?" says The Ball, raising his eyebrows.

"At least crystals are shiny."

"My trousers are shiny."

"And spandex."

"I am in the league of superpeople. Superpeople wear spandex."

"I don't see The Warrior wearing spandex."

"And let's hope we never do."

–

The Crystal and The Ball return to the villains' mansion, where The Crystal proceeds to wash himself about thirty times and disinfect his mouth to the point where he feels like he is on fire.

Standing by his bedroom window, The Warrior laughs maniacally at The Crystal and The Ball for being victims of his prank.

The Warrior is wearing his mother's evening dress and high heels.


	4. The Reflection

**Being the third in a series of Umbrella Academy/WWE fanfics**

* * *

_**Featuring-**_

_The Reflection a.k.a Matt Hardy_

_The Reflection a.k.a Jeff Hardy_

**A/N: Can you tell which is which?**

* * *

**_Rating- serious, contains scenes of death which you may find a bit gross. Unless you're twisted like me and don't think they're gross enough._**

* * *

**The Reflection.**

The stagnant water from the pipe continues to drip like it has constantly for the past few days. How much more water can there be? It's driving me mad, but there is no point in stopping the drip; it's all I have. In this dilapidated house a thousand memories are blanketed by years of dust. The floorboards are only in place because they are held together by clumps of it.

The smell of the house is putrid. Corpses of my family are still lying in their bedrooms, in exactly the same positions as they were fifteen years ago when I murdered them with the shard of mirror clasped in my hands right now.

Back then I thought I was the only one in this family who was special- who had powers. But then I found _him_.

–

A ten year-old boy taken in by a lovely family in the middle of the countryside. When they had found him as a baby lying next to his dead mother in the meadow, they knew he was one of the 43, so hid him from the media until he was able to cope with their attention. They had loved him and nurtured him, and he was perfectly happy.

–

One day he was sitting in front of his large mirror, playing with his toy cars. He didn't know why, but he suddenly felt the urge to look at his reflection.

Except it wasn't him in the mirror.

It was a boy the same age, with some of the same physical features, but he was slightly different. He looked like he could be the boy's brother.

"Hello" said the boy in the mirror. "Can we be friends?"

And so it started.

–

Over the months the little boy spent ages talking to the reflection of his brother in the mirror. He spoke of him often to his family, who went along with the story, even though they really believed the boy had just invented an imaginary friend. After all, they had looked in the mirror many times only to see the reflection of themselves and the boy- there was no-one else in the mirror.

So they ignored the situation.

However, the more the boy spoke to his brother, in the mirror, the stronger his brother became. Little by little the boy found himself losing his bubbly personality as his brother steadily turned him into an insecure ball of hate.

"You're not one of them. You're special. You have powers and you know it. You could have been treated like royalty and been something great. They stopped you. They've shielded you from the limelight and what you really are. They don't even believe I'm real. They think you're crazy. They want to send you to someone who'll tear me away from you" says the boy in the mirror, twisting his brother's mind.

"No, no, NO!" the little boy wails.

"Ssssh little brother. You don't need them. They're the ones who are keeping me in here with their disbelief, stalling my efforts to escape. Get rid of them and I'll be free from the mirror, then we can be together properly, like true brothers, and we can show our powers to the world. Be who we really are."

The boy in the mirror smiles and his pathetic little brother wipes away his tears and nods. Once the family are gone the boy in the mirror can gain complete control of this silly little boy and use him to escape the mirror for the first time since he was confined to it ten years ago.

–

And so I did it for him.

I punched the bathroom mirror in fury then went into my "siblings'" bedroom. I sliced their throats apart with a shard of the mirror and laughed as blood poured from the wounds and their eyes stared at me, full of fear. As I watched my siblings die slowly and painfully I could hear my true brother cackling from the mirors. His sadistic cries of laughter bounced off every wall, almost bursting my eardrums.

Next were my "parents". I did the same to them, but somehow their deaths were even more plesasurable to watch. Fury consumed me as I stabbed "mother" and "father" repeatedly with the mirror shard. It was so fun watching them die.

I felt so good.

Once my family were dead my brother's laughter became unbearable, and I fell to my knees clutching my ears and wailing.

I had finally snapped out of the trance. I realised my brother had been using me. By following his orders he was gaining control over me and becoming stronger until he could break free of the mirror. He had driven me to murder my family- those who did not want to gain from my identity as one of the 43; those who just wanted to protect me, and cared for me all these years even though I was not biologically one of their own.

I hated my brother.

I grabbed the axe from under my father's bed and ran into my room. Blocking out the crying of laughter I smashed the mirror apart with the axe; my brother in the miror laughing at me the whole time.

Finally the laughter ceased and everything was silent. I looked down at the pile of mirror shards lying around my bare feet.

I thought it was over. I was elated.

"Quite a show you put on tonight."

I whirled round to see my brother smirking and my elation soon transofrmed into total devastation.

"You escaped." I said, stunned.

"Yes dear brother. By the time you realised my plan it was too late for you to stop me. I am now very much alive." he said smugly.

"I hate you."

"And your naivety sickens me. Thankyou for the release." My brother bowed and picked up a shard of mirror. He then walked into it and disappeared.

–

For years I walked through mirrors trying to find him, my soul becoming less human all the while. I became full of self-loathing and did nothing but walk on.

Until one day I stepped out of a miror and into a large home. I found ten other people there who were each one of the 43. I became known as Number 11, The Reflection, because of my ability to walk through mirrors.

I became accepted and found a way of saving myself from my pitiful life. Soon the team became thirteen rather than eleven, and I distracted myself by working with them to change the world for, in my view, the better.

–

On this anniversary of my family's deaths, I decided to return to my childhood home and reflect on my life. I've been here for days now hoping my revolting brother will come back to taunt me, and then I can seize the opportunity to avenge the murder of my mother, my father, my siblings, and my soul.

I haven't seen my brother for years now. I regret not killing him before he walked away into that damn shard. The only news I've heard is that he is working for the team on the opposite side to me.

One thing is definite.

Next time we meet; I _will_ kill him.

* * *

**A/N: So there you have it- the story of The Reflection; but which one?**


	5. Raising Kane Part 1

**Being the fourth in a series of Umbrella Academy/WWE fanfics **

* * *

_**Featuring-**_

_Sir Hargreeves_

_Number Five a.k.a Chris Jericho_

_The Horror a.k.a Kane_

_The Warrior a.k.a Triple H_

_The Undertaker a.k.a The Undertaker_

_The Crystal a.k.a The Miz_

_The Ball a.k.a Morrison_

* * *

**_Rated- hopefully suspensy. Serious [mostly]._**

* * *

**Raising Kane Part 1**** [part of a mini-series]**

Number Five sits in the basement, working on Spaceboy's project.

To find out how Number Six- The Horror- died.

He was sent on a mission by Sir Hargreeves, and never came back. The Umbrella Academy always blamed Hargreeves for Kane's death, and with an imminent attack coming from the villains [known from the warnings of distressed spirits warning The Seance] , Spaceboy wants Number Five to find out what really happened.

Because then they can figure out a way to call Kane's spirit.

And The Séance can contact him.

And then...

They can use Kane to spy on the villains and spill information.

A dead ally. The ultimate weapon.

Number Five has entered the time travel co-ordinates into his time travelling machine, and sets off back in time to when The Horror died.

–

Meanwhile, The Crystal and The Ball go to see The Genius.

The Warrior stands in their way.

"I pass on messages to him." says The Warrior.

"We've seen it. Number Five has just gone back in time to find out what happened to The Horror," says The Ball.

The Warrior contemplates this information for a moment. Then he says...

"OK."

...and walks away and goes to The Undertaker's crypt below the manor.

Walking amongst skulls and bones and freshly embalmed corpses, The Warrior approaches the sinister figure of The Undertaker.

"Operation Raising Kane has come into effect."

The Undertaker simply nods in recognition and returns to embalming a freshly deceased clown.

–

Number Five has arrived.

He puts on Hargreeves' monocle which allows him to see people for what they really are.

He sees a young Vanya from one eye, but through the eye with the monocle, he sees her as the white violin; her eyes full of contempt. So Hargreeves must have known she was dangerous all along.

So what made him dispose of Kane?

There he is. Sitting in the corner of the room, playing with tentacles protruding from his stomach. He looks so small, sweet, and innocent.

But through the monocle...

Kind. Strong. Powerful.

He should have had Spaceboy's position as the alpha male of the Umbrella Academy.

So why didn't Hargreeves allow it?

"Number Six. I have a task for you." says Hargreeves. "I want you to sneak into this high security bank vault and bring the entire contents back here." Hargreeves gives The Horror a piece of paper with the name of the bank and the vault.

"But stealing is wrong." says The Horror.

"You're not stealing my boy, you're retrieving what is mine." lies Hargreeves. "Now run along. We haven't got all day."

Number Five follows mini-Horror as he leaves the manor to go to the bank to carry out Hargreeves' mission.

He doesn't know why he's doing it but he trusts that his Father won't put him in unnecessary danger.

Number Five gulps. He knows what is at the vault.

–

The Horror has reached the bank and breaks his way in through the ventilation shafts. He manages to get to the vault, and successfully smashes his way into the vault using strong lobster pincers which have just sprouted from his hands.

Nothing is in there, except a note scrawled in Hargreeves' writing:

"_This is how it had to be. Goodbye Number Six."_

A high-pitched alarm sounds.

The Horror's cover has been blown.

What does he do? Does he run? But where?

The Horror is not used to being caught alone, and stands still in panic as the alarm bounces off the walls.

A small legion of heavily armed robots come marching along and grab The Horror, then proceed to beat him with maces and literally tear him apart.

The Horror dies slowly, screaming in agony, and full of disappointment that his Father led him into this.

–

Number Five returns forward in time, stunned.

How could their Father really be that ruthless? To eliminate The Horror so callously to allow his favourite, Spaceboy, to gain the dominant position of the group? Spaceboy isn't even a good leader. He's a selfish, egotistical, twerp who can't even dress himself; let alone save the world from total destruction.

But now he knows when and where The Horror died, and this will help The Séance seek out the wandering spirit of their deceased sibling.

–

Back at the manor...

"He died in the City Bank, vault 2012, ten years ago to this very day." says The Ball to The Undertaker.

"Very well. If you could leave alone now please. I have an operation to carry out."

The Ball leaves, and says to The Crystal...

"You can never shut that bloke up the amount he talks."

"So Operation Raising Cain has begun then?"

"Cain?" asks The Ball, puzzled.

"Yeah...raising cain means causing trouble."

"Coulda sworn on the plans it said Operation Raising _Kane._"

"I wonder why that is."

The Ball holds his glasses at the end of his nose and give The Crystal a "you stupid dumbarse don't you get it" look.

A minute later...

"I still don't get it." says The Crystal.

"The Horror's name is Kane. And you know the plan don't you? Now The Undertaker knows enough information to call Kane's spirit, he is going to raise him from the dead and we shall use him as our ultimate weapon to infiltrate the Umbrella Academy, all the while they think Kane is infiltrating _us_ to supply _them_ information. So, we're raising cain. But at the same time we're raising Kane." explains The Ball rather matter-of-factly.

"Oh."

The Ball sighs and smacks The Crystal round the back of the head.

"Prat." he says, and walks off stylishly to catch the next episode of Little People, Big World.

–

The Séance sits on the front lawn of the manor, looking up at the statue of The Horror.

He can't really remember much about his dead brother, except the fact that he was one of the strongest and most selfless people he has ever met.

The Séance had never really liked Hargreeves, for he was not the most compassionate father figure, and The Séance could not believe that he had been as horrid and callous as to murder one of his adopted children.

The Séance has tried to contact The Horror's spirit many times since his passing, but has been unsuccessful. But now he knows the truth he can sort through all the souls and find the one he is looking for; like a filing system.

Child.

Superhero.

Betrayed.

Father.

Murdered.

"I wondered how long it would take you to find me," says the ghost of The Horror, standing before The Séance.

–

_So he has located him_, The Undertaker thinks to himself.

Now the soul is present in the world, The Undertaker can summon him.

No tortured soul can resist the force of The Undertaker.

And so The Horror leaves The Séance, and appears in The Undertaker's crypt in the villains' manor.


	6. Raising Kane Part 2

**Being the fifth in a series of Umbrella Academy/WWE fanfics**

* * *

_**Featuring-**_

_Spaceboy a.k.a Jack Swagger_

_The Séance a.k.a Kizarny_

_Number Five a.k.a Chris Jericho_

_The Horror a.k.a Kane_

_The Kinesis a.k.a Christian [Jay]_

_The Valkyrie a.k.a Rosei_

_The Undertaker a.k.a The Undertaker_

* * *

**_Rated- serious. betrayal. cliffhanger. a failed attempt at romance._**

* * *

**Raising Kane Part 2**** [part of a mini-series]**

"Gone? What do you mean 'gone'?" cries Number Five incredulously.

"I found him and he spoke and then he just vanished." replies The Séance nervously.

"What did he say?" asks Number Five.

"'I wondered how long it would take you'."

"Well that's useful." says Number Five sarcastically.

"Have you tried locating him again?" Spaceboy asks The Séance.

"Several times." he replies.

"And?" Spaceboy asks.

"Well obviously no luck, else we wouldn't be having this conversation." says Number Five.

"True point." Spaceboy says simply.

"So where do we go from here?" asks Number Five.

"What do you mean?" asks a confused Spaceboy.

"What I mean? _What do I mean? _Spaceboy, we have information that the city will be subject to an imminent attack, and we've now lost our ultimate weapon! What are we going to do about it?" screams Number Five.

"I don't know. But I'm sure we can handle the attack without The Horror." says Spaceboy.

"But this is no ordinary attack!" cries Number Five desperately. "On the last raid we fou-"  
"Raid?" interrupts Spaceboy.

"Yes. Raids. We distract the villains while some of the Academy break in to their manor and find information on their future evil plans so as we can plot to defeat them."

"How long have we been doing these raids?"

"How long..._what?_ You've been commisioning the bloody things for the past three years!" screams Number Five.

He looks exasperated.

"You know what? Hargreeves made a mistake of eliminating Kane. It should have been you."

And Number Five walks away.

The Séance looks at Spaceboy.

"He's right."

And The Séance leaves too.

Spaceboy does not know what to do.

But then, does he ever?

–

"Hey Chris, you OK?" asks The Valkyrie. She is concerned for Number Five, as he has been pacing around the garden for the past hour.

"No. You know what? I'm not OK. And neither are you. Or anyone else." he says.

"What's up?" The Valkyrie asks, worried.

"Spaceboy. I can't stand him any longer. He can't lead us. He fails everytime. We have no organisation when we head into battle. Everytime we win it's a fluke. We have to rely on the team's initiative to co-operate and succeed. But considering the state of the team at the moment it won't work next time."

"I heard about The Horror."

"I think everybody heard. I thought Hargreeves wanted us to defend the city as best we can. How can we do that if he murdered the one who everyone loved and supported, who actually knew what he was doing? Instead Hargreeves gives us Spaceboy, who can't even lead a plastic army to victory, let alone a real one. The Academy is breaking up. As if we're not vulnerable enough with this attack coming."

"Then why don't you lead us?" The Valkyrie suggests.

"Me?" says Number Five, surprised.

"Yes. You're most knowledgable. You don't have battle powers like us, but you have the brains. You could plan an attack, organise us. Everyone knows you talk sense."

"But everybody hates me."

"Everybody hates Spaceboy. And we've spent years trying to follow his crappy orders. So we'll follow your good ones. Besides, not everyone hates you." says The Valkyrie, immediately regretting it. Has she really got the guts to finally say it?

"No?"

"No." she says. And then she says nervously yet honestly;

"I like you."

And for the first time Number Five noticed The Valkyrie.

He realised she was always there for him.

He realised she was the only one who took the effort to get to know him, despite the cold and distant act he put on all the time.

He realised he had always focused on the success of the Academy, because he was too scared to reveal his true feelings on other, more emotional matters.

He realised how much The Valkyrie loved him.

And he realised how much he loved her.

And finally, they kissed.

–

Watching the pair from his bedroom window, The Kinesis holds a photo in his hands.

It is of him and The Valkyrie on holiday years back, before they joined the Umbrella Academy. They were friends, and they were happy. Although The Kinesis felt much stronger feelings towards The Valkyrie than simply friendship. He's sure she did too.

And then they joined the Umbrella Academy.

And The Valkyrie met Chris.

The Kinesis tears apart the photo and takes one last look at the couple in the garden.

A tear falls from his eye and onto the remnants of his happy memories, now lying in pieces on the floor.

–

Back at the villains' manor...

The Horror is confused.

"Why do you want me?" he demands to know.

"Maybe someone else should explain it to you," The Undertaker replies.

And The Kinesis steps into The Undertaker's crypt.


	7. Raising Kane Part 3

**Being the sixth in a series of Umbrella Academy/WWE fanfics**

* * *

_**Featuring-**_

_The Kraken a.k.a Edge_

_The Rumour a.k.a Melina_

_The Séance a.k.a Kizarny_

_Number Five a.k.a Chris Jericho_

_The Horror a.k.a Kane_

_Vanya a.k.a Lita_

_The Reflection a.k.a Jeff Hardy_

_The Kinesis a.k.a Christian [Jay]_

_The Valkyrie a.k.a Rosei_

_The Genius a.k.a Santino Marella_

_The Warrior a.k.a Triple H_

* * *

**_Rated- serious. I felt like punching The Kinesis while I wrote this XD Sorry Jay, I do love you really :]_**

* * *

**Raising Kane Part 3**** [part of a mini-series]**

The Umbrella Academy, excluding Spaceboy, The Horror, and The Kinesis, are seated in the dining room of their home.

"We have an attack coming up- a major one- and so we need a better leader than Spaceboy. Someone competent. Contact has been lost with The Horror for reasons unknown, and so our main battle plan has gone out the window. Therefore we need someone who will establish a new plan and organise us effectively and efficiently so as we can thwart the villains' plan. I know many of you do not like Number Five, but I think you will all agree that he has the best leadership qualities out of all of us here, as well as the most brains," The Valkyrie explains.

Everyone in the room nods in agreement.

Number Five clears his throat and begins to speak.

"Thankyou. I shall do my best to lead you all. First we must establish what the villains actually intend to do to us and the city in the proposed attack. Kraken, what information did you obtain in the last raid?"

"A handwritten copy of a battle plan. All it said was 'On 30th July, we will bring Operation Raising K into full action'" The Kraken replies.

"'Raising K'?" says The Rumour, confused.

The Valkyrie realises something.

"Wait. The Séance lost contact with The Horror. His name is Kane. Raising K. What if K is Kane?"

"Isn't the saying 'raising cain'?" asks The Reflection.

Number Five realises what The Valkyrie means.

"The conventional meaning yes, is c-a-i-n. But the villains have used k-a-n-e for two reasons; a pun and a plan description." says Number Five.

"Plan description?" pipes up Vanya.

"Think about it. Who do the villains have? Two people who can see into the future. What if they saw Number Five find out what really happened to The Horror? Maybe they saw that The Séance was going to contact The Horror and get him to help us?" The Valkyrie suggests.

"So what if they did? How would they be able to use The Horror?" asks The Kraken.

"Think of who else the villains have." says The Valkyrie.

"The Undertaker," gulps The Séance.

"Exactly. Once The Séance had located his spirit, The Undertaker could summon The Horror away. That's why he vanished just after he appeared to The Séance. He's with the villains. At their manor. Operation Raising Kane. The Undertaker is going to raise Kane back from the dead." says Number Five.

"And then what?" asks The Reflection.

"That's what it's going to be your job to find out," Number Five says.

–

"You're here to destroy the Umbrella Academy," The Kinesis tells the spirit of The Horror, in The Undertaker's crypt at the villains' manor.

"Why would I want to do that?" asks The Horror.

"Why wouldn't you?" The Kinesis snorts. "Think about what they did to you. Hargreeves had you murdered because he didn't like you. He wanted Spaceboy in charge of the Academy instead of you. And look where Spaceboy has got the Academy; they all hate each other and are in no fit state to defend this planet. They're just a bunch of twisted rejects who are sending the world spiralling to destruction."

"Who are you?" The Horror asks.

"I am Number Twelve of the Umbrella Academy; The Kinesis."  
"But there are only seven Academy members."

"Times have changed since you died, Horror. There are thirteen of us now. And the Academy is breaking up because no-one gets along. They betrayed me. And they betrayed you. Don't you want retribution?"

"I guess..."

"Then join me. Join us. This group; there are thirteen of them. Each one is a member of the 43. They want to shut down the Umbrella Academy once and for all, and treat this world how it deserves to be treated. What do you say we join them? And then you can show your so-called family how much you appreciated being murdered for no valid reason."

The Horror takes a moment to contemplate The Kinesis' offer.

"Yes..." he says unsurely.

"Yes." he says again, sounding a lot more confident this time.

"They deserve everything they're going to get." he snarls.

The Kinesis smirks.

"Great."

–

The Reflection is hiding in the mirror in The Genius' office at the villains' manor. He has been sent by Number Five to gain more intelligence on the upcoming battle.

He sees a document lying on the table; a message from The Undertaker to The Genius. It reads:

"_Number Six of the Umbrella Academy- The Horror- has been convinced to fight on our side by our informant on the inside of the Umbrella Academy. _

_The Horror has signed the contract pledging his allegiance and so I shall commence work on raising him tomorrow afternoon once my other projects are complete. _

_Signed: The Undertaker."_

"So there's a leak inside the Umbrella Academy?" The Reflection says to himself. He assumes it is Spaceboy. This is his style.

Angry voices are approaching the room, and The Reflection prays he will not be seen as The Genius and The Warrior come bursting through the door.

"You havea no right to threaten me!" bellows The Genius, in his awesome Italian accent.

"I think I have every right." snarls The Warrior.

"Oh really?"

"Here's the bottom line Santino; I've kept the secret about you being useless and having no abilities whatsoever for a veeeeery long time now. And I've had enough of it. I want out. I'm warning you now; leave this place and I'll say you had to go off. I'll cover for you. Else we have one of two options- I publicly humiliate you or you have an 'accident'," smiles The Warrior sadistically.

The Genius flinches, then a smile spreads across his face too as he realises something marvellous.

"Aren'ta youa forgetting something Triple de H? If you dare do anything to me then word will get out about your little 'secret'. You may make me disappear, but you don't know my associates. They know your secret and they'lla come down on you like one thousand fleas on a camel's armpit!" he cries smugly.

"I could take down every one of them." The Warrior says icily.

"Well, I admire you for wanting to take the chance. But I don't know how The Shadow will feel about that."

The Warrior turns pale, and The Genius grins; he knew this would keep The Warrior quiet.

"You know The Shadow?" whispers The Warrior, in shock.

"Oh yeeees. And he's one of my closest friends. If youa try and takea me down, you'll have him to answer to."

The Warrior pulls a disgusted reaction and gets right up to The Genius' face.

"Alright. You win this time. But believe me, I'll get you one day. And no-one will be around to save you or avenge you." he snarls.

And The Warrior turns away and walks out of the room, emphatically slamming the door behind him.

The Genius looks worried but then he laughs off the argument.

Something in the mirror catches his eye and he looks at it.

For a split second he is sure he saw The Reflection; but he looks a little different.

"Brilliant." says The Genius to himself. "So the myth is true. There is a brother."

–

"So The Genius is useless?" says Number Five, surprised.

"Yes." The Reflection replies.

"Well this is brilliant news. Thankyou for placing yourself in danger to find this out Jeff." says Number Five gratefully.

"It's fine, I'm just sorry I couldn't find out anything major about the attack."

"No need to worry, just knowing The Genius is absolutely useless can be used to our advantage. We may be able to play him and The Warrior off each other and sneak a victory."

"Besides, it doesn't matter that you didn't find out much about the attack Jeff," says The Valkyrie, who has just walked into the room.

She holds a leaflet out to Number Five.

"This just came through the door."

Number Five takes the leaflet and gasps.

"_Attention all residents of the City!_

_A major public event will take place next week for all of you to enjoy for free, as a reward for being such good citizens!_

_Come 30th of July at 1pm to the city centre,_

_Where you will find a wrestling ring._

_Come to this one day explosive wrestling event and see all some great performers in action_

_This thrilling show will kill you with delight"_

Number Five turns the leaflet over to see a message scrawled on the back:

"_Come for a little family reunion. You might be interested to see what's on the match card. There might be some surprises."_

"I don't surprise we have the match card too do we?" asks Number Five.

"No such luck," replies The Valkyrie.

"Well at least we know when and where the attack will be and that everyone is going to be there. And if it's a wrestling event I guess we should be practicing our skills and practicing with our abilities." Number Five says optimistically.

"Y'know, thinking about it, this is one of their better plans."

"You think?" says Number Five, a little baffled.

"Well, usually I dread them. This one sounds quite exciting," laughs The Valkyrie.

"Even though the world could end?"

"Danger. Wrestling. Make sure some hot guys are fighting and it's all good," The Valkyrie smiles.

"I admire your insanity." Number Five says honestly and softly.  
"Well thankyou very much."

"I guess we should go tell everyone then."

"Well it might be helpful." says The Valkyrie cheekily. All of a sudden her expression becomes serious. "I don't suppose you've seen Jay around have you?"

"No, sorry. Come to think of it, there's been no sign of Spaceboy either."

Number Five notices The Valkyrie's look of concern.

"Don't worry," he says softly. "I'm sure Jay is OK," and he hugs The Valkyrie. Some tears are starting to fall from her eyes.

"I really hope so," she says, and she clutches Number Five tightly.

But Number Five's thoughts are somewhere else. If the villains have contact with The Shadow, who knows what trouble will come?

–

Now it's time to prepare for war...


	8. Through The Looking Glass

**Being the seventh in a series of Umbrella Academy/WWE fanfics**

* * *

_**Featuring-**_

_The Reflection a.k.a Jeff Hardy_

_The Reflection a.k.a Matt Hardy_

**A/N: But again; which is which?**

* * *

**_Rated- serious. Mysterious. A murder or two. Revelation about which Reflection is which._**

* * *

**Through the Looking Glass: The Other Reflection**

To anyone who cares,

My brother is out to kill me. Nothing like brotherly love eh? Of course, he has does have every reason to want to kill me. I mean, he was living a perfectly happy life with his hillbilly family in the middle of the countryside, on their little farm. And then I come along and steadily warp his mind and convince him to slaughter his adoptive family.

But then I spent my enitre childhood locked inside a mirror. So I think one can make allowances for my slightly twisted mentality.

The story goes that 43 children were born to 43 single women. Wrong. It was 44 to 43. There were...complications with the last woman, who at the time of giving birth was being sliced apart with a piece of mirror by a vengeful ex-lover who likes to now go by the nickname of 'The Shadow'. The Shadow does have an excuse for having such a dreadful alias; he is a villain with superpowers who hides in the underworld of society. Only the worst criminals associate with him. Anyway, I'm rambling. How unstylish.

So there's my mother, bleeding to death in a forest, when all of a sudden her waters break. She's giving birth?! She wasn't even pregnant! Of course this just makes The Shadow even more furious; this whore not only ran off with another man but had the cheek to get up the duff an' all! Well, he ain't having that! The Shadow stabs the child with the mirror shard.

But this is no ordinary mirror shard. And this is no ordinary child.

In the style of some poorly-budgeted sci-fi movie made by a ten year-old, some funny bright lights shine around the little cherub and the brat giggles maniacally as the mirror fuses with him. Some very glamorous strong wind comes from the imaginary wind machine nearby and a lightning bolt strikes the mirror, which is currently lodged in the child's heart.

Once the rucus is over, there is no longer one boy; there are two. Twins.

Mother is confused by the whole thing. And The Shadow decides to be a cruel motherfucker and use his powers to send one of the twins into the mirror shard.

He then leaves the mother staggering out into a meadow, clasping her son and the mirror shard.

Mother collapses and slowly and painfully bleeds to death.

My brother wails. I wail.

All though I feel I have it worse. Being stuck in a mirror shard isn't quite how I think it's meant to be.

Anyhoo, a short while later some hick family come along and cry over corpse of my mother ["such a shame, she's so young and lovely. And look she'd just given birth"], then they scoop up my brother and take him to their house. I'm being carried to their house too. But no-one sees me in the shard.

I soon see why they even bothered to pick up the shard in the first place; the eldest son is going into mirror making [the irony!] and so is collecting pieces to mish mash together when he makes his next project.

Fast forward...

–

Ten years later.

My shard has become part of a massive mirror in my twin brother's room! Finally, I have a mirror big enough to move around in. While my brother's been living the life of luxury I've been miserable in the mirror.

But in that time I've learnt things.

I know I'm special. I can do things with mirrors. I can walk into them and out of them and walk through any mirror in the world. I've been practising. I can come out of this mirror now and play. But first I'm going to communicate with my brother. I'm going to play with his emotions. I'm angry. I'm vengeful. I'm spitting with envy. I'm sick to the core. I want to be on the outside. Why should brother get all the fun while I sit here turning into a ball of hate?

I screwed with my twin's mind and led him into believing that killing his family would release me from the mirror and then we could be together happily ever after.

Ha, what a sick sod I am.

I enjoyed every minute of it.

Brainwashing him, leading him to kill. And then that beautiful moment when he realised what I'd made him do. When he realised the mistakes he'd made.

Oh that wonderful moment where every fibre of his being was crushed, and he turned into a creature of hate like me. I'd enacted a remarkable act of vengeance. I even made him feel elated for a moment because he thought he'd prevented me from being able to escape.

And now it was time for me to leave.

I stepped out of the mirror and smirked as I saw my twin's elation transform into total devastation.

"You escaped." he said, stunned.

"Yes dear brother. By the time you realised my plan it was too late for you to stop me. I am now very much alive." I said smugly.

"I hate you."

"And your naivety sickens me. Thankyou for the release." I bowed and picked up a shard of mirror. I then walked into it and disappeared.

–

I spent years walking through mirrors, exploring the world, and feeling free and alive as I could experience human things such as eating and drinking, and walk around feeling the breeze brush my face. It felt amazing. Especially as I knew my brother was stalking me the whole time, hunting me down so he could tear me apart in revenge for me making him kill his family.

Of course I am wrongly accused though. I didn't make him do anything. Just lightly persuaded.

I came to know I was one of the 43 [or 44] and so I decided to have fun and use my powers as I joined the Umbrella Academy.

No-one knows about my deeply deranged brother who has sided with the villains. It all seems fitting. I mean, I had a crappy life. Brother had a good one. I was a ball of hate. He was happy and good. Now we've swapped round. Isn't it spectacular?

I can't wait for the battle when I will be reunited with my brother. I'll laugh at his sorrow.

And then I'll kick his arse.

Much demonic happy love,

Jeffrey

xxx

–

And The Reflection posts his latest blog on Myspace.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, my mentality go the better of me and I had to go for the hero being the baddie and the villain being the goodie. What can I say? It's the way my mind works XD anyway, following this will be the final two parts of the Raising Kane series. Hopefully they'll be up soon.**


	9. Raising Kane Part 4

**Being the eigth in a series of Umbrella Academy/WWE fanfics**

_**Featuring-**_

_Spaceboy a.k.a Jack Swagger_

_The Kraken a.k.a Edge_

_The Rumour a.k.a Melina_

_The Séance a.k.a Kizarny_

_Number Five a.k.a Chris Jericho_

_The Horror a.k.a Kane_

_Vanya a.k.a Lita_

_The Cobweb a.k.a Rey Mysterio_

_The Springheel a.k.a Evan Bourne_

_The Chaos a.k.a Rachel_

_The Reflection a.k.a Jeff Hardy_

_The Kinesis a.k.a Christian [Jay]_

_The Valkyrie a.k.a Rosei_

_The Genius a.k.a Santino Marella_

_The Warrior a.k.a Triple H_

_The Zap a.k.a Maryse_

_The Undertaker a.k.a The Undertaker_

_The Crystal a.k.a The Miz_

_The Ball a.k.a Morrison_

_The Flame a.k.a Natalya_

_The Octopus a.k.a Beth Phoenix_

_The Choke a.k.a Big Show_

_The Banshee a.k.a Jillian_

_The Piper a.k.a Jamie Noble_

Rated- mostly serious, some humour.

**Raising Kane Part 4**** [part of a mini-series]**

The night before the attack...

Spaceboy is nowhere to be seen. But then none of the Umbrella Academy particularly care. Since he left in a strop after the argument with Number Five, he has not appeared, and so everybody has assumed he is the one who has crossed sides to the villains and was the one who convinced The Horror to attack the Umbrella Academy.

The Kinesis has not returned to the manor either. He left without saying goodbye and a couple of days later a letter turned up from him saying...

"_Needed a break from all this. Sorry."_

The rest of the Academy were too busy worrying about the attack to care, but The Valkyrie has not been able to rest since he disappeared.

The Valkyrie is pacing around Number Five's office.

"He wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to me. Something's wrong."

"Maybe he's just worried about the attack and feels he can't deal with it." says Number Five.

"That's not the sort of thing to bother him though. He'd enjoy the challenge. He would have told me if it was affecting him."

"Are you sure?"

"Chris, I've known him for years. In most of that time we travelled the world, just us, and saw some of the most amazing things and some of the scariest things. We tell each other everything. One silly little battle wouldn't affect him, and if it did he would tell me."

"Are you sure it's to do with the battle? Could it be something else?"

"You mean, us?"

"Well...I don't know. Do you think it would bother him?"

"It could do. But then he never made a move."

"Do you think he wanted to?"

"Me and Jay; we had feelings for each other. We said we were just friends but we both knew it went deeper than that. But he never bothered to make a move. If it seemed like he was about to he'd suddenly back out of it. If I tried to he'd just give me the cold shoulder. I thought maybe he just needed time. So I spent ten years waiting for him to be ready and nothing happened and quite frankly I got fed up with waiting. We came here and I met you and it only took two years for us to hook up!" The Valkyrie cries incredulously.

"Maybe he feels angry that we're together. If he's been waiting so long to pluck up the courage to ask you to go out with him and then I get in the way. Maybe he's left in a huff for a break."

"Perhaps." The Valkyrie stops for a moment and suddenly seems very worried. "You don't think maybe he's the leak?"

"Jay? What makes you think that?"

"It just seems weird. He would have said something to me about leaving, or at least given me some clue as to where he was. He wouldn't have gone this something without contacting me. And Spaceboy; it may sound cruel, but I don't think siding with the villains is his style. Alright, he's a prick. But he's too thick to think of something that clever. And I don't think Spaceboy would do something bad."

"And you think Jay would?"

"I. I don't know." The Valkyrie sighs and holds her head in her hands. She is completely confused and going out of her mind with worry.

Number Five hugs The Valkyrie tightly.

"He's OK. If he was in trouble we would have heard. Don't worry. It'll be OK." Number Five says.

But neither he nor The Valkyrie are entirely convinced.

–

"It's funny how I still can't remember anything before my accident." Vanya says to The Kraken. The pair are seated in the kitchen of the Umbrella Academy manor.

"Hmm yeah." murmurs The Kraken, wanting to avoid the subject.

"And I find it weird how you'll all change the subject if I ask what life was like before the accident. What I was like before it all happened?"

"There's not much to know. Not much different to now."

"Then why avoid the subject?" Vanya says stubbornly.

"Because it makes people sad to remember what happened to you."

"Does it make you sad?"

"Yes." says The Kraken, awkwardly and honestly.

"How come I have no powers? I have nothing at all."

"You do."

"I do?" she says, surprised.

"Yes. Somewhere. Thye just haven't been unlocked yet." says The Kraken. He needs to change the subject fast.

"Well that's not very helpful is it? Huh, imagine if my power was really destructive." Vanya chuckles.

"Ha, yeah."

"What?" Vanya perks up sharply.

"What what?" says a nervous and confused Kraken.

"You sound like you're covering up something."Vanya says suspiciously.

"I'm not."

"Tell me."

"No."  
"So there is something?"

"I'm tired. I'm going to bed."

"Wait, no. Please." begs Vanya. She thinks for a moment. "Did I...did I do something dangerous before?"

"What makes you think that?"

"Everyone seems so cautious of me."

"They're just worried. Now get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow."

"Yeah..."

The Kraken walks off to bed.

Vanya looks at a portrait of Hargreeves on the kitchen wall.

How she wishes she could have impressed him, made him proud.

But at least she could wrestle. And play the violin. If her wrestling skills fail her tomorrow at least she could smack someone over the head with her bow.

Maybe it's time she got some sleep too.

When she reaches her bedroom, she sees a sheet of paper sticking out from under her bed.

Odd, she never noticed it before.

She picks it up and reads the title of what appears to be a music score;

"_Orchestra Verdammten: Apocalypse Suite"_

And in that moment, every memory of her brief stint as the White Violin- in which she almost destroyed the world- came flooding back to her.

Once her part in tomorrow's battle is done, she will go back in time and destroy Hargreeves for concealing her power from her for all those years.

And perhaps give him a good kick on The Horror's behalf too.

–

The Rumour watches the stars from the window of her bedroom.

With her power, she could end the whole thing so easily.

"_I heard a rumour the villains are too weak to carry out this attack."_

But she doesn't want to do that.

It's no fun that way.

–

The Séance is in a nearby cemetery, talking to the spirits of the corpses.

He is warning them of the battle tomorrow, and is asking them to not side with the villains.

And to especially not give in to the call of The Undertaker.

–

The Cobweb and The Springheel have been practising their wrestling moves all day in the wrestling ring in the gym at the Umbrella Academy manor.

"I'm impressed with how well you've done." The Cobweb congratulates The Springheel.

"Thanks." says The Springheel, slightly embarrassed.

"You're too modest man. You should be really proud of yourself. You're gonna do great tomorrow."

"Only thanks to you. Thankyou for all your help."

"No problem, it's been a pleasure teaching you."

"You've been an amazing mentor."

"The most important thing to remember tomorrow is to have fun. Don't think of it as life or death. Think of it as a performance and a game and you'll do fine."

"You too."

The Cobweb smiles.

"Time for some sleep."

–

The Chaos is in the shower thinking about tomorrow.

She knows she'll be fine fighting. After all, she's a good wrestler and has an awesome power. Where can she go wrong?

The Reflection.

That's exactly where she can go wrong.

How many days, hours, minutes, and seconds in these past few years has she spent thinking about The Reflection?

She loves him so much and they're good friends. But everytime she tries to chat him up she panics and backs away. She thinks he likes her, but he seems too wrapped up in whatever's been bothering him to really pay her much attention.

How she'd love to be able to sit down with him and get him to open up. At least then he doesn't have to suffer his pain alone, and perhaps she could use the opportunity to show him how much she likes him.

Oh love. What a troubling emotion.

The bathroom door clicks open.

"Oh crap," The Chaos murmurs. She was so busy daydreaming she forgot to lock the door again. Hopefully it's no-one to be embarrassed in front of.

"Is someone in here?" calls out a voice.

It's The Reflection. The Chaos' heart skips several beats.

"Err yeah," she replies, her voice faltering.

"Are you alright? I can leave you if you want."

"NO no no no no, it's fine honestly. I'm just getting out." She can't afford to miss this opportunity to talk. "Let me just grab the towel."

She reaches out for it but can't find it.

"Ah. Err, Jeff could you...?" she asks awkwardly.

"Yeah sure," and The Reflection hands the towel through the curtain.

The Chaos emerges a couple of seconds later, blushing beyond belief and looking rather flustered.

"Hihowareyou?" she blurts out, making it all sound like one word.

"Hii'mokthanksandyou?" The Reflection replies jokingly.

"OK." she smiles. Maybe she should sieze the opportunity... "I noticed you've been looking a little distracted lately."

"Well you know, the battle. I think it's getting to everyone," says The Reflection a little awkwardly.

"Yeah..." The Chaos needs to think of a way to get him to open up. "Do you think you'll be OK tomorrow?"

"I don't care. I just want to get my hands on my brother."

"Your brother?" The Chaos says, surprised. The Reflection realises he just let it slip.

"He's with the villains. He destroyed my childhood. I want him dead," admits The Reflection.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well, if it's any consolation, I'll be there for you if you need a hand."

"Thanks but I don't need a hand. I have enough fury to take on the whole world single-handed at the moment," says The Reflection rather coldly.

"Y'know, you might need the help. If you're too sidetracked by your emotions you might not notice any attacks coming from behind or something," The Chaos suggests weakly.

"I doubt my brother would have accomplices."

"Well if he looks anything like you he's bound to have a girl trailing after him wanting to do his dirty work," The Chaos says without thinking. The Reflection's expression softens.

"I have a girl trailing after me wanting to do my dirty work then?" he says, grinning.

The Chaos blushes.

"Well I wouldn't say I trail..."

"Haha. I'm sorry I sounded cold a moment ago. It's just tomorrow will be very important to me," The Reflection explains.

_Score he's opening up, _The Chaos thinks to herself.

The Reflection continues to speak.

"Thanks for your offer. I'd love you to help. I think you're right though, about the accomplice; I've heard he has a thing for that blonde woman working with the villains."

"Which one?"

"Errr...skinny. Blonde. Boob job."

"Well that narrows it down," The Chaos says sarcastically. "The Zap, The Octopus, or The Banshee?"

"The Zap."

"Oh." The Chaos glowers. "I detest that whore."

"Well then, I guess we'd make a good tag team."

"That would be brilliant" The Chaos beams.

"I should leave you to dry off and get changed. Catch you later."

"Yeah, catch you later."

The Reflection goes to leave the bathroom then whirls round.

"Oh and Rach?" he says to The Chaos.

"Yeah?"

"Have a good night," he says, and he finally kisses The Chaos!

Once he's done, he leaves The Chaos looking a little flushed, and can't help but grin as he leaves the bathroom.

The Chaos swoons.

–

At the villains' manor...

The Genius is in his office, pacing.

He can't afford his position to be threateend. This is all he's got. This is what The Shadow entrusted him to do. If he fails, The Shadow will deem him worthless and have him killed.

Tomorrow, The Genius must try to get The Warrior killed.

–

The Warrior is in his room, deep in thought while twirling a sledgehammer in his hands.

He is the rightful leader of the group. The Genius is a joke. His association with The Shadow is likely just a lie to cover his ass.

Tomorrow The Warrior will have The Genius murdered so as he can become the new leader of the villains.

–

The Zap and The Reflection are on the veranda.

"How are you my love?" asks The Reflection.

"All the better for seeing you." purrs The Zap. "How are you feeling?"

"Full of contempt and loathing." says The Reflection.

"Just how I like you."

"Do you really think I'll accomplish it tomorrow?" says The Reflection, ignoring The Zap's previous comment.

"You've been waiting for this for years. You'll tear that scum limb from limb. And once he is dead, we will have nothing to worry about." The Zap reassures.

"I cannot wait. To get revenge for destroying my childhood is what I want most. To see him suffer would be perfection." and The Reflection smiles sadistically.

"I can't wait to electrocute that stupid little sidekick of his." says The Zap icily.

"Who's that?"

"The Chaos." The Zap spits.

"Well, we'll make a lovely pair as we destroy the other two. Now, let's go eat some celebratory tacos."

And so they do.

–

The Undertaker is in his crypt as usual, raising more of the dead.

9172 isn't bad for seven hours work, he thinks.

–

The Flame hasn't had a night out on the town in weeks.

She's handed out flyers for tomorrow's event and intends to spend the rest of the night committing random attacks of arson.

–

The Golem is busy creating an army.

Of stone.

His little soldiers enjoy war games.

–

In the games room of the villains' manor, The Crystal and The Ball are playing poker.

The atmosphere is that of awkward silence.

This is surprising as both men are considerably drunk.

"Do you remember the time you made me screw Mae Young?" says The Crystal; affectionately for some reason.

"How could I forget? Seeing you horrifed and struggling not to puke warms the very depths of my heart," replies The Ball.

"I always wondered what that bulge is that looks bigger in your pants everytime I see you," says The Crystal, snickering.

"Perv. It's my Curly-Wurly/"

"Oh so it's curly is it? My my you are a man of many talents."

"No. It really is a Curly-Wurly," The Ball says defiantly as he pulls a Curly-Wurly out of his pants.

The Crystal is a little stunned.

"Why would you keep a Curly-Wurly down your _pants_?"

"In case I get hungry, or meet a girl."

"What, you go up to a girl and say 'Hey do you wanna see my Curly-Wurly?'"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Well I thought you were meant to pull ladies easily without leading them on with the offer of a Curly-Wurly."

"Well generally when girls want to stay with me it's because they want to see my Curly-Wurly."

"So now you're admitting your dick is curly?"

"No," says The Ball, trying to think of a way to dig himself out fo this hole. "I only date chocoholics."

"I don't believe you."

"I'm not surprised."

"Your standards of lying are slipping tonight."

"Maybe this whole battle tomorrow is getting to me."

"Fearing we're gonna lose?"

"No. It's the thought of spending a couple of hours merged togenther in the same body as you so we can become super strong when we fight," says The Ball, disgusted.

"Oh come now, wouldn't you rather my body gets beat than your precious temple?"

"Well when you put it like that it doesn't sound quite so bad," The Ball laughs.

"See? Not only am I Detector tonight I am a jester too."

"You're a jester every night."

"What's that meant to mean?"

"You never take things seriously"

"Yes I do."

"No you don't.

"I'm raising my voice right now and refusing to back down. I class that as serious."

"You can be jokingly angry. It is possible."

"...does your snot smell of potatoes?" The Crystal says childishly, failing to think of a good comeback.

"...who are you to comment on my Curly-Wurly anyway, when I notice a Chomp sticking up in your pants everytime I see you?"

"A Chomp? That's honestly the best you can come up with?"

"I'm not much into chocolate."

"Bet you'd like to chomp on my Chomp though," teases The Crystal.

"I don't think so."

"Oh so you're not sure?" says The Crystal, in hysterics. He loves winding up The Ball.

"Of course I'm sure. I don't swing for that side"

"I think every girl I've met is sure you do"

"The same can be said about you."

" Ooh feisty."

"Scandalous."

"Back atcha Curly-Wurly."

"Chomp."

They both fall silent for a moment and then look at each other and erupt into laughter.

After a few minutes they regain composure.

"In all honesty dude, I am gonna miss you if anything bad happens tomorrow," says The Crystal.

"Same here. I'd feel quite sad without my body," The Ball.

"Egotistical ass."

"Seriously though, I will miss you too. Even though we fight a lot, I do love having you around," says The Ball.

"Oh darling, you're making me blush."

Both men laugh and then...

They kiss.

–

The Octopus is in her room watching The Little Mermaid.

Ursula; she admires this woman.

–

The Choke is in the kitchen, gorging on as many smelly foods as he can find.

–

The Banshee is in her room playing Singstar.

Her games console is cringing at the sound of her voice.

But The Banshee thinks she is awesome and can't wait to show Simon Cowell her talents someday.

–

The Horror is dwelling on the memories of the day he died.

Needless to say he is feeling angry.

Which is exactly what the villains want so they can use his strength to the maximum.

What's a better slap in the face for the Umbrella Academy than to destroy them with one of their own?

–

The Piper and The Kinesis are in the games room.

"I don't belong here." says The Piper, breaking the awkward silence.

The Kinesis is torn out of his deep thinking trance.

"What makes you think that?" he asks The Piper.

"I always got mixed in with the wrong crowd. Didn't really think what I was doing. I just enjoyed fightin'. I enjoyed the power I got. The adrenaline through my veins. But all this killin'. All this bad stuff the villains are doin'. I don't belong here. I don't want to be bad anymore. Deep down I'm a good guy." The Piper explains.

"The good guys aren't all they're cracked up to be Jamie."

"Why did you leave them?" The Piper aks.

"The woman I loved decided to ditch me and date one of the other Academy members."

"Did you know her well?"

"Yeah."

"Did she know how you felt?"

"I guess."

"Look here, I ain't much good when it comes to the ladies, but it seems to me it would have been easier to just sit her down and tell her how you feel. Y'know; rather than betraying her and the rest of your friends and crossing to the villains, and helping them to produce the destruction of the city- potentially the world- and murdering god knows how many innocent people in the process."

The Kinesis feels like an idiot. He hadn't thought of it like that.

"I guess I didn't think things through," he admits painfully.

"Well it's a little late now isn't it? I don't think she'd ever take you back after this." says The Piper.

The Kinesis falls silent.

"So are the good guys really good then?" The Piper asks again, hopeful.

"Yes," says The Kinesis miserably. "I have to go now." he adds.

The Kinesis walks off to bed, ashamed.

He's beginning to regret his actions.

–

Meanwhile, The Shadow is in his underground mansion, waiting patiently for tomorrow's battle.

The outcome will be interesting for his corporation.

–

Spaceboy is hurtling back towards the Earth after his sulk on the moon.

He's realised what he has to do.

**A/N: Come on wrestling fans; Miz and Morrison. Don't tell me you don't think it too XD And Rach, I hope you liked your part. I'm sorry I'm not very good at romance, I did try :]**


	10. Raising Kane Part 5

**Being the ninth in a series of Umbrella Academy/WWE fanfics**

* * *

_**Featuring-**_

_Number Five a.k.a Chris Jericho_

_The Valkyrie a.k.a Rosei_

_The Crystal a.k.a The Miz_

_The Ball a.k.a John Morrison_

* * *

_**Rated- part serious part funny**_

* * *

**Raising Kane Part 4**** [part of a mini-series]**

_**A wrestling extravaganza**_

_**An explosive affair**_

_**A one-off for you**_

**Come to the massive wrestling ring in the middle of the city**

**1pm Tuesday 30th July**

**See people with superpowers beat each other up in the largest wrestling event of your life!**

**Match Card**

_**Ladder Tag Match**_

The Flame

The Octopus

vs.

The Rumour

Vanya

_**TLC Tag Match**_

The Crystal

The Ball

The Choke

vs.

The Cobweb

The Springheel

The Kraken

_**Mixed Gender Tornado Tag Ext**__**reme Rules**_

The Reflection

The Zap

vs.

The Reflection

The Chaos

_**Buried Alive Match**_

The Undertaker

vs.

The Séance

_**Hell In A Cell Match**_

Number 14

vs.

The Valkyrie

_**Ironman No Holds Barred Mixed Gender Tag Match**_

The Golem

The Banshee

vs.

The Kinesis

The Valkyrie

_**Three-on-One Handicap Lumberjack Match**_

The Genius

The Warrior

The Horror

vs.

Number Five

–

It is the morning of Tuesday 30th July.

Number Five and The Valkyrie are looking at the flyer for the event, which has just come through the door.

"I have two matches? That sucks." says The Valkyrie.

"You'll be OK," Number Five reassures her.

"Well considering there's still no sign of Jay I think I'm not going to do particularly well in the tag match."  
"We'll be there to help you, don't worry."

"I just wish he could be here."

"We'll manage," Number Five sighs, wishing he could punch The Kinesis right now for his dispappearing act. Something on the flyer has caught his eye; "Do you know who Number 14 is? I thought the villains only had thirteen members."

"The Horror?" The Valkyrie suggests.

"No, he's been referred to as The Horror in my match."

"Don't know then. I'll just have to hope it's someone I can beat. I'll be there fro you as well. Three-on-One Lumberjack isn't particularly nice."

"We have each other, we have the others. We can do this." says Number Five, determined.

But deep down, he's not so sure they really can manage it.

–

At the villain's manor...

The Crystal and The Ball wake up.

They are in the same bed.

They scream.

–

12:30pm.

The Umbrella Academy leave their manor

To go to war.

* * *

**A/N: Coming next, the final part of the Raising Kane mini-series; the battle! Woo finally. And it will actually include _WRESTLING_ 8D**

**And I have some fun things planned for after this mini-series too. I'm particularly excited now I've decided which WWE Superstar The Shadow is :] I wonder if any of you will guess correctly ^o^ Hit me with your guesses if you have any ;D**


	11. Raising Kane Part 6

**Being the tenth in a series of Umbrella Academy/WWE fanfics**

_**

* * *

**_

_**Featuring-**_

_Spaceboy a.k.a Jack Swagger_

_The Kraken a.k.a Edge_

_The Rumour a.k.a Melina_

_The Séance a.k.a Kizarny_

_Number Five a.k.a Chris Jericho_

_The Horror a.k.a Kane_

_Vanya a.k.a Lita_

_The Cobweb a.k.a Rey Mysterio_

_The Springheel a.k.a Evan Bourne_

_The Chaos a.k.a Rachel_

_The Reflection a.k.a Jeff Hardy_

_The Kinesis a.k.a Christian [Jay]_

_The Valkyrie a.k.a Rosei_

_The Genius a.k.a Santino Marella_

_The Warrior a.k.a Triple H_

_The Zap a.k.a Maryse_

_The Undertaker a.k.a The Undertaker_

_The Crystal a.k.a The Miz_

_The Ball a.k.a Morrison_

_The Flame a.k.a Natalya_

_The Octopus a.k.a Beth Phoenix_

_The Choke a.k.a Big Show_

_The Banshee a.k.a Jillian_

_The Piper a.k.a Jamie Noble_

* * *

_**Rated- action based**_

* * *

**Raising Kane Part 5**** [part of a mini-series]**

The Umbrella Academy have come to the wrestling ring in the middle of the city.

Todd Grisham greets them.

"Two of you need to go to the HQ over there and meet with The Genius and The Warrior. You are to sign an agreement on the rules of today's event."

"I'll go." says Number Five.

"Do you want me to come with you?" asks The Valkyrie.

"OK. If tensions become strong you can calm everyone down."

"What should the rest of us do?" asks The Kraken.

"You have to go along to HQ and wait in your team's room. The doorman will show you the way. Once the matches start your team will all be placed in a holding cell beside the ring."

"A holding cell?"

"Yes. The other team will be placed in one too. To stop any outside interference in the matches. The cages are made of a material that is impervious to your powers."

"Wow. Some planning has gone into this."

"No. You're just predictable."

"Ah. Nice to see you again Choke"

"Likewise. I'll enjoy suffocating you tonight."

"Good. I'll enjoy kicking your arse."

"Good luck with that."

"Mm."

–

"So we're agreed to the terms then?"

"Yes. No outside interference in matches. Any changes to the match card have to be agreed to by both teams. Whichever teams wins the most number of matches wins the city. If we win, it stays safe. If you win, you do whatever evil to it you so wish."

"Evil. I like it. Well it's been nice meeting with you. Good luck tonight."

"And the same to you."  
And The Genius, The Warrior, Number Five, and The Valkyrie leave the room and return to their teams.

Just ten minutes to go.

–

_**Ladder Match**_

"We welcome you to the city ladies and gentlemen, and I'm sure you'll agreee we're in for a treat this afternoon!"

"We sure are JR! Just look at how we're kicking things off; a LADDER MATCH with several beautiful women."

"They may be beautiful but I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of these women. We see The Flame and The Octopus entering the ring, two very dominant women. Makes you wonder how much they're going to dominate the Umbrella Academy team of The Rumour and Vanya. The inclusion of Vanya considering she doesn't have any powers is very interesting indeed."

"Well as long as she can wrestle, that's all that matters."

"Feeling lucky?"

"Y'know I heard a rumour tha-"

"Cut the crap missy," spits The Octopus, lashing one of her tentacles at The Rumour, crushing her larynx. Blood spurts everywhere.

"MELINA!" cries Vanya, as she rushes to The Rumour's side. "It's OK, we can do this. I'll distract them and you climb the ladder. Do you think you can manage?"

The Rumour nods and winces in pain.

Vanya runs towards The Octopus.

"Come on then. Why don't you try and get me?"

"Aww honey why would I even waste my time?"

"Because this is a Ladder Match. And there's no disqualification in Ladder Matches. Which means, I can do this," and she pulls an axe out from under her shirt."

"She had an axe up there?!"

"Good job she didn't fall over with that under there. Could have had a nasty accident."

Vanya charges towards The Octopus' tentacles and chops off several of them with a few swoops.

"She's moving so fast you can barely see her!"

"I thought she had no powers."

"Well she obviously has some sort of agility, I've neevr seen someone move so fast."

"AAAHHHHHHH," cries The Octopus in unbelievable agony. "You're going to pay for that bitch," she says, her eyes on fire.

"Let me have the pleasure," says The Flame, and she breathes flames towards Vanya, surrouding her with a ring of fire.

It brings back memories to Vanya.

Memories of fire.

And white light.

The Orchestra Verdammten.

Her.

The White Violin.

The end of the world.

Motionless, distracted by her thoughts, she doesn't notice as The Octopus yanks The Rumour off a ladder [who has been struggling to climb to reach the briefcase for the past few minutes], with one of her surviving tentacles.

The Flame darts up the ladder and grabs the briefcase containing a paper stating that the one who grabs the briefcase has won a match for their team.

Villains 1. Umbrella Academy 0.

The Umbrella Academy are watching in horror from their holding cell.

"That was horrific," says The Valkyrie in shock. "Do you think they'll be OK?"

"We can patch up The Rumour. But if Vanya doesn't move soon she'll fry." says Number Five, worried.

"VANYA; MOVE!!!" bellows The Kraken.

Suddenly snapping out of her trance, Vanya jumps into the air and over the ever rising wall of flames.

She isn't concerned her team has lost.

She knows who she is.

And that's more of a threat for mankind than the villains winning the wrestling tournament.

–

_**TLC Tag Match**_

"Well you never know JR, we might actually see some wrestling in this match."

"That'd be nice. Here we see the villains' team entering the ring. The Crystal and The Ball are an extremely talented duo, seeing them in action against The Cobweb and The Springheel is sure to be an epic match."

"And don't forget about the other two competitors JR; The Choke and The Kraken! I can't wait to see who'll do best out of those two."

"Indeed, we have the wrestling talents and intelligence of The Kraken pitted against a giant with very bad breath who can destroy anyone in his path."

"Ooooh, my spidey sense is tingling," The Crystal mocks The Cobweb.

"And I see he has a bit of a spring in his step," The Ball mocks The Springheel.

"Really? I see I have a spring in your head," backchats The Springheel, as he jumps and viciously boots The Ball in the head, sending him into the ropes.

For fifteen long minutes the teams battle each other, assaulting their enemy with a whole host of wrestling moves.

"You can attack me all you like, but all it takes is one breath and I can crush you," says The Choke to The Kraken.

He breathes a large puff of toxic breath towards The Kraken, who doesn't so much as wince.

The Choke is confused.

"Why ain't you on the floor?"

The Kraken waits for the cloud to clear before he replies.

"I guess you didn't do your homework," he smirks as he**. **"I canhold my breath indefinitely."

The Choke looks angry. His power is his trademark and now its of no use.

"Fine I'll just crush you."

"Oooh scary."

"I bet you can't hold your balls indefinitely," The Choke snarls as he smashes a heavy fist towards The Kraken's situations. The Kraken only manages to dodge in time.

"Missed."

The Kraken spears The Choke. The Cobweb 619s The Crystal. And The Springheels uses the Shooting Star Press on The Ball.

The three Umbrella Academy members simultaneously pin their enemies on the mat.

1. 2. 3.

"And the Umbrella Academy pick up a win!" cries JR.

"That was awesome JR!"

"Such a marvellous clash of talents. It sure made up for that brutal beating in the opening match."

"Oh don't remind me. I cry every time beautiful women mess up their faces," says Jerry Lawler sadly.

"You're meant to pay attention to the wrestling, not their bodies."

"You trying to tell me you don't like checking out any of the divas?"

"Well..."

"Ha JR you old perv."

Villains 1. Umbrella Academy 1.

–

_**Mixed Gender Tornado Tag Extreme Rules**_

As both teams enter the ring the atmosphere turns extremely hostile.

There is no love lost between The Chaos and The Zap, who share a mutual hatred for one another.

Yet their animosity towards each other does not even comapre to that between The Reflections.

After so many years of wantying to tear each other limb from limb, now The Reflections have the chance they don't really know where to start.

"Nice to see you again brother."

"The feeling's not mutual."

"Haven't you got anything to say after all this time?"

"You disgust me. You're sick. You're twisted. You're demented...and so am I!" cries Jeff as he spears his brother to the ground and the pair begin punching each other.

The Zap electrocutes The Chaos and cackles.

"How cute, he chose a weakling," sneers The Zap as The Chaos writhes in agony.

"I know you are. But what am I?" taunts The Chaos, as she knocks The Zap down with a typhoon, thus breaking The Zap's hold over The Chaos.

A bloody battle ensues, as The Zap and The Chaos hit each other with every power they have; The Zap charging The Chaos with electric bolts of an ever increasing [and alarming] voltage, and The Chaos assaults The Zap with tsunamis from her fingers, tornadoes from her breath, and earthquakes from stamping her feet.

While across the ring, The Reflections bust each other open with all sorts of weapons, from baseball bats to car doors to phone boxes.

Several painful minutes later, Matt pulls a mirror shard out of his pocket.

"MARYSE! NOW!" he bellows, and The Zap momentarily ceases her violent attack on the The Chaos and fires a lightning bolt at the mirror shard.

The mirror shard glows a strong shade of blue and Jeff's mind is suddenly full of memories.

Memories of the day he and his brother were struck by lightning.

Memories of the day he became encapsulated in the glass prison.

"NEVER AGAIN!" he roars as he blasts his brother with the Twist of Fate.

But as they both fall to the floor Matt grabs his brother and slices him open with the shard.

And then in a shocking confusing moment

Matt and Jeff are both sucked into the mirror shard, and they disappear. As does the shard.

The crowd go silent.

What on earth just happened?

The Zap and The Chaos stare, bewildered, at the spot where their dearly beloveds were just standing.

Instinct kicks in, and The Chaos uses this moment as her chance.

She summons a toaster

"FRENCH TOAST COMING THROUGH!!!" roars The Chaos.

And she smashes The Zap over the head with the toaster.

The Chaos then bulldogs The Zap and pins her.

The Reflections may be lost but the city stands to potentially be in safe hands as the score becomes

Villains 1. Umbrella Academy 2.

–

_**Buried Alive Match**_

The Séance waits impatiently in the ring as The Undertaker makes his legendary [yet extremely slow] entrance.

"I see he brought his imaginary Segway. Any slower and anyone would think that he's dead," murmurs The Séance.

Ten minutes later and The Undertaker has finally entered the ring.

Immediately The Séance summons spirits of the dead to fight his enemy, but The Undertaker just raises them all back to life and sends them against The Séance, like a legion of zombies.

"Well that wasn't friendly," says an annoyed Séance.

The Séance fights off each one with some wrestling moves. He tries to make one submit but its corpse snaps in two. The head screams as it looks down, horrified, at its detached lower half.

"At least you'll save a fortune on shoes," shrugs The Séance.

The Séance realises another way in which his power may aid him...

"I call upon the spirit of Hulk Hogan!" he cries.

The Undertaker looks thunderstruck as The Séance becomes possessed by the spirit of Hulk Hogan.

"Watcha gonna do brother? You look like you've just seen a ghost," says The Séance/Hulkster, and he goes on to perform a series of totally unimpressive predictable moves that the Hulkster always seemed to win with even though they wouldn't so much as wind a fly...

Yet magically The Undertaker ends up on the floor.

While The Séance turns his back and gloats to the audience, The Undertaker sits up [in the stylish way he does] and stands menacingly behind the oblivious Séance.

As The Séance turns back round he walks straight into a chokeslam, and The Undertaker sends The Séance hurtling into a freshly dug grave up the ramp outside the ring, and begins shovelling the dirt back in the hole.

The Umbrella Academy members bury their heads in their hands as the score becomes

Villains 2. Umbrella Academy 2.

–

_**Hell In A Cell Match**_

"Time for Hell In A Cell. Do you know who The Valkyrie's masked assailant is JR?"

"I don't know King, but I'm sure we're about to find out."

The Valkyrie wastes no time in laying into her opponent. She wants to know who it is she's fighting but convinces herself that it's better to finish the fight first.

Throughout the match her opponent does not seem to do much to hurt her. Everytime they gear up to perform a high risk move that could do The Valkyrie some damage, they seem to back down at the last moment [to some boos from the audience].

Yet The Valkyrie has no qualms about smashing her nemesis' masked face into the steel sides of the cell, or even throwing them off the top of the cell at one point.

After around twenty minutes the opponent has become weary and The Valkyrie dropkicks them to the floor, then performs Starship Pain and picks up the win.

Villains 2. Umbrella Academy 3.

Now that the match is over, The Valkyrie decides it is time to find out who her opponent really was.

And who is under the mask?

The Kinesis.

"Jay." says a stunned Valkyrie. "No..._why_?"

"We spent years together. And you left me. For _him_,"and The Kinesis glares over at Number Five, who is in shock at ringside.

The Valkyrie is streaming with tears.

"You never told me. We were friends Jay. I knew there was more between us. But you never made a move. You neevr told me how you felt."

"Why did I have to make the first move?"

"Because whenever I tried you would just push me away!"

"I didn't want to commit myself to you in case it all went wrong and we lost our friendhsip."

"Then why the bloody hell are we arguing about this?!" she screams. "If you were the one who wouldn't get a move on then what do you expect? I waited for you to commit and you didn't. You can't blame me for getting tired of waiting."

"So that's how you see it? A waiting game? You couldn't just give me some time to thi-"

"TIME? _TIME_? I GAVE YOU TEN BLOODY _YEARS_ SUNSHINE."

The Kinesis looks embarrassed.

"I just felt so scared about losing you if I messed up. I've never been good at emotional relationships."

"It shows."

The Kinesis scowls.

"I felt jealous when you went off with Chris. You complain about me not paying you attention when you tried to make a move, but Chris never even _noticed_ you. How does that make your situation with him any different to ours?"

"Because he never noticed me. You noticed me, but you pushed me away. Ignorance is easier to deal with than rejection. All I had to do was get him _to _notice me. And then, despite his incapacity to withhold relationships- like you- he decided to be brave. He embraced me. He told me how he felt. And we've made a go of things and it worked. Our friendship, like mine and yours; it goes thicker than surface. We're not just friends Jay, us two have spent years and years through every type of situation you could possibly imagine, yet we've stuck together. Rifts in time sending us to separate ends of the universe couldn't break us apart; and you think another guy can? I feel disappointed you think that little of our relationship."  
The Kinesis looks awkward.

"I love you."

"And I love you too stroppyknickers. I always have done," she says softly. "But my love for Chris is stronger."

The Kinesis looks crestfallen.

"I'm sorry Jay. I love you as a friend. I love you a little deeper than that. But Chris never pushed me away. And I'm sorry, but it's him I want to be with."

The Kinesis is biting his lip, trying not to cry.

"I'm sorry. For all of this."

"So you should be," says The Valkyrie.

"I guess there's no chance of us ever, y'know, making a go of things?" The Kinesis says hopefully.

"I'd rather discuss this later; our next match is about to start."

-

_**Ironman No Holds Barred Mixed Gender Tag Match**_

The Valkyrie and The Kinesis are in shock as they see The Golem walking down to the ring, with hundreds of stone warriors around him.

They will only have fifteen minutes to defeat as many of them as they can and pick up the most pins.

They haven't noticed The Banshee stepping into the ring.

"YOU KNOW YOU WANT MEHHHHHHH. WELL EVERYBODY WANTS MEHHHHHH," she sings, in that oh-so-lovely voice of hers.

But The Valkyrie is not in the best of moods.

And the last thing she wants is a banshee "singing" beside her.

"Will you shut UP." The Valkyrie screams, and with a single punch she floors The Banshee.

JR and King are at ringside.

"Oh my god, she's broken in half!" exclaims JR.

"It looks like she hasn't got the X Factor after all!" chuckles King.

"Remember people, in this match, there are no holds barred. All cheating is legal. First team to get both members of the opposing team down for ten seconds wins the match. And The Banshee has just been counted out. Now it's down to The Valkyrie and The Kinesis to knock out The Golem for ten seconds and they will win the match."

"Looks like this is going to be a 2-on-1 Handicap match then."

"With all those stone men I don't think it's gonna be a 2-on-1 JR. More like 2-on-_1000_!"

"Well at least The Banshee's gone."

"Yeah, my ears have stopped bleeding now."

"I think mine ran away." JR says, as his left ear is currently hitch-hiking to Tahiti.

"This could be awkward," admits The Kinesis.

"We've had worse," says The Valkyrie, ever the optimist.

"Have we?"

"No."

"Mm. Ah well. Maybe I should have taken up Lord of the Dance after all," The Kinesis says with remorse.

"And maybe I should have been the tooth fairy."

"Have you two finished now?" interrupts The Golem.

"All ready for you and your fearsome army honeybunch," winks The Valkyrie.

The Golem sneers.

"Get them."

And the stone warriors come charging all at once towards The Kinesis and The Valkyrie.

Working together and using all their wrestling talent, the two manage to defeat the vicious unrelenting stone army, until there are no more left to fight; except The Golem.

"You may have defeated my toy soldiers, but you won't be able to beat me. Look at you both, lying in a heap on the ground. Neither of you can barely move," grins The Golem sadistically, as he punts The Kinesis repeatedly in the head.

But now the audience are chanting. Chanting for The Valkyrie. Chanting for The Kinesis.

The adrenaline pumps through The Valkyrie's veins. Memories of time she and Jay have spent together over the years come flooding back to her. She looks at the row of faces of her friends from the Academy staring hopefully back at her.

And Chris.

Chris...

With every ounce of determination The Valkyrie hauls herself up off the mat and sneaks up behind The Golem.

"Hearing voices in your head is never good Randy," she whispers in his ear.

The Golem turns round, surprised to see The Valkyrie standing. With lightning speed, The Valkyrie kicks The Golem in his gut, then hits him full force with his own trademark move; the RKO.

One.

Two.

Thr-

And The Golem kicks out.

"WHAT." screeches The Valkyrie in desperation. "_WHAT?!_"

She repeatedly punches The Golem in the head.

"Won't [punch]. You [punch]. Stay [punch]. Freaking [punch]. DOWN [punch]."

But what evryone had failed to realise was that there was one stone warrior The Kinesis and The Valkyrie had missed...

And he was about to deliver a skull-crushing blow to The Valkyrie's head.

The crowd gasp.

The Kinesis sees it's about to happen...

"No..." he whimpers, barely able to move or speak. He can't do anything to save her.

And then it happens.

The Valkyrie slumps to the ground and The Golem pins her.

The time limit is about to run out.

Unless one team gets another pin, the match will be a draw.

The Golem pins The Valkyrie again. Her unconscious body doesn't kick out.

The score:

Villains 3. Umbrella Academy 3.

–

_**Three-on-One Handicap Lumberjack Match**_

"And now for our final match King, the one to decide the tie-breaker," says JR.

"I can't wait! Good job this match isn't going to decide the fate of the City or right now we could be doomed!" laughs Jerry Lawler, as the Umbrella Academy members exchange nervous glances.

The participants make their way to the ring.

"Three on one. Looks like you're going down Jericho," laughs The Genius.

"Make that three on two."

Everyone turns round to see The Piper standing in the ring.

"You villains have treated me like a useless pathetic slave for the past few years. I'm sick of it. I want to join the Umbrella Academy. I want to fight for them," he says defiantly.

"Oh look Jamie's all grown up," mocks The Warrior.

"Let's just get on with this," says The Horror, fed up with all this waiting around.

"Sure. Three against two. You still stand a very small chance of beating us," laughs The Genius.

"Not if I can help it," says another voice.

Everyone looks up to see Spaceboy fly down to the ring.

"So, you decided to go crawling back?"

"My place is with the Academy. They are my family. And despite our differences, we all share one common interest; busting your ass."

"Wa-ho steady there Thwagger. What makes you so confident you're going to win?"

"This," says Spaceboy simply, as he punches The Warrior to the ground.

Thus erupts a fight.

After several minutes fighting Spaceboy and The Piper have pummelled The Genius to the ground, and The Horror also after a stunning Gutwrench Powerbomb from the one and only All-Academian Academian Spaceboy.

"We'll keep these two down while you finish off The Warrior," Spaceboy instructs Number Five, as he returns to the outside of the ring to continue battling The Genius and The Horror with help from the lumberjacks.

"The Game's on," growls The Warrior.

"You're nothing more than a hypocritical gelatinous parasitic tapeworm," spits Numebr Five venomously.

"Suck it," The Warrior say simply, as he lunges for Number Five, who uses the opportunity to Lionsault off the ropes and knock The Warrior to the ground before locking in the Walls of Jericho.

"You'll never make me tap out," snarls The Warrior.

After ten minutes in the same position Number Five becomes distinctly bored and breaks his hold.

Just as The Warrior staggers to his feet, Number Five hits him with the Codebreaker and quickly gets the pin.

"Looks like things will neeeeeveeeeerrrrrrrr eeeeeeveeeerrrrr. Be the same. Again," gloats Number Five, as the crowd rejoice in the Umbrella Academy's victory.

Villains 3. Umbrella Academy 4.

–

One hour after the event...

Number Five addresses the Umbrella Academy.

"All of the villains have been arrested and taken to the defence facility in the next state. It'll take a lot for them to break free, but I'm sure we can expect them to somehow accomplish it soon. Meanwhile I advise all of you to take a well deserved rest. Congratulations to all of you on today's success, it's nice to see us working as a team again."

There is a murmur of agreement and praise from the members.

Number Five continues.

"And I believe after today's events, it's fair to give Spaceboy his job back as Captain of our team."

"I don't deserve it," says Spaceboy, downtrodden.

"Of course you do. You came back when we needed you most. You proved yourself to be a good leader. And I can't continue the post. I don't want to continue the post. Welcome back," smiles Number Five.

He walks away from the group to a quiet area by some trees. The Valkyrie follows.

"What now then?" she asks him.

"Well Spaceboy should be good in charge. Everyone is healing OK. The Rumour won't be able to have her voicebox repaired, but I'm sure she'll be fitted up with a machine that will talk for her. Stephen Hawking style. Or some technology might be discovered that might heal her up properly; who knows? But she'll be fine. As for The Reflection and Vanya..."

"Where did they both go?"

"The mirror shard both The Reflections vanished into was a special piece of mirror. It was the one that was present at the start of their whole story, and has special properties. They could be anywhere. They could be alive. Dead. Suspended in time. I don't know. I don't know how we can retrieve them. I think we're just going to have to carry on without Jeff, and if he returns, he returns."

"That's horrible."  
"I know. But there's not much we can do."

"And Vanya?"

"You know what happened before you joined the Academy. It was imperative Vanya did not remember what she did, else it would affect her mind and send her insane. She would either try to do it all again or try and go back and do something drastic, like try and stop herself from having done it in the first place, which cause untold amount of trouble in the way Time works."

"But she couldn't have gone back could she?"

"My time machine has gone missing. As has Vanya."

"Ah."

"So I'm going to use a time travelling device I have acquired to try and find Vanya and bring her back here before she causes any harm."

"I'll come with you."

"No."

The Valkyrie looks stunned for a moment.

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"It's too dangerous."

"How can you say that after everything we've just been through?!"

"You don't know the way Time works, only I do. And I don't have time to explain them to you or anyone else. I have to leave. And only I can stop her. If I had the time to explain things to you I would take you, but I don't. I'm sorry."

"How long will you be gone?"

"I have no idea. Could be hours. Could be weeks. Could be years."

"Years..." whispers The Valkyrie, tears welling up her eyes.

"Don't wait for me. Live your life. Patch things up with Jay. Your life is too short to wait around for me," says Number Five, hurt. He doesn't want to leave but he knows he has no choice.

"But I love you," says The Valkyrie.

"I love you too."

And Number Five leaves.

–

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to finish this, but it's finally done. I know it hasn't been a funny or mysterious chapter but I intended it to be more action based and now it's finally done. A lot of it focused on Kinesis/Valkyrie/Number Five, and in future stories this certainly will not happen. I can't say how long it's going to be before I write anymore of these fanfics, but when I do, they'll focus more on the characters I've neglected. And I'll definitely try to bring more of the humour back! Thanks to the people who've stuck this far in reading the series. Please review and vote on my profile for the characters you would like to read more about in the future!**


	12. Quality Time With Crystal Balls

**Being the tenth in a series of Umbrella Academy/WWE fanfics**

* * *

_**Featuring-**_

_The Zap a.k.a Maryse_

_The Crystal a.k.a The Miz_

_The Ball a.k.a Morrison_

* * *

_**Rated- humour**_

* * *

**Quality Time With Crystal Balls  
~ _they're back, and they're shopping_**

The Crystal and The Ball are standing outside Walmart.

"Remind me why we're here again?" The Crystal asks.

"Hunter wanted groceries," The Ball replies.

"He's Hunter. Surely he could hunt for groceries?"

"You can't hunt carrots."

"He could sneak up on a carrot plant and Pedigree it."

"Or he could send us out to get the groceries."

"But. We're too hot to be seen in a supermarket."

"Jesus was too hot to be seen yet he helped the diseased."

"You called Jesus hot. You're gay for Jesus."

"You're just gay."

The Crystal decides to ignore this comment.

"How does helping the diseased relate to grocery shopping?" he says.

"Wouldn't you rather be hot around healthy supermarket people than a leper?"

"Lepers might as well look upon God as they die."

"Oh you're God now?"

"Yes, got a problem with that Jesus?"

"No. Because you see Jesus had a body and could therefore have sex."

"Oh and God can't? The omnipotent cannot score a chick?"

"Wow." says The Ball simply.

"What?"

"Where'd you learn that word?"

"What word?"

"Omnipotent. I thought you were still reading Ladybird books."

"Hey at least I progressed from The Hungry Caterpillar, unlike someone," The Crystal aims a patronising look at The Ball.

"I happen to have read many books in my time."

"Like?"

"The Bible."

"Since when are you religious?"

"Well it was about me so I thought I should read it."

"Hey, only the second half was about you."

"So you're admitting I'm Jesus?"

"Let's just do the shopping," says The Crystal; his mind has ceased to produce a humorous comeback.

"Wait, a lemonade stand!" The Ball exclaims.

The Ball prances to the lemonade stand and leans on the table, pushing his sunglasses to the end of his nose and looking up seductively at the busty blonde serving lemonade.

"Hi, I'm John Morrison. And I like to squeeze things."

The Crystal approaches and does the same.

"I'm the Mizard of Oz, can I move into your Palace of Wisdom?"

The busty blonde is not amused.

"Ew."

And she walks off.

The Crystal and The Ball steal some free lemonade, reposition their sunglasses, and walk towards the doors of Walmart.

-swoosh-

The automatic doors open and The Crystal and The Ball step through in slow motion, a conveniently placed fan blowing back their hair. The Ball sniffs the air and shuts his eyes, then proclaims blissfully;

"Enlightenment has arrived."

"I hope not," says The Crystal. "You can get arrested for doing things like that in public."

"Oh believe me, I know," The Ball chortles, as The Crystal looks slightly disturbed...yet at the same time, impressed.

"Hey look over there!"

"Which over there am I looking at?"

"Those shiny things over there! In the hippy section!"

"The hippy se- oh. The New Age stuff. Trust you to be so closed-minded. And the 'shiny things' are crystal balls," The Ball explains, exasperated.

"Oh yeah. Pfft. Our crystal balls are bigger than that."

"They are. But my wand's bigger than yours."

"Yeah right. I'm the god of the golden wand."

"Golden? Boy, you have problems," says The Ball atop the sunglasses he has pushed down to the bottom of his nose in order to give The Crystal a rather concerned look.

"Well you'd know what it'd look like after that night we spent toge-"

"MOVING ON DEAR MOVING ON."

"Now, where are those eggplants."

"What do you need eggplants for?"

"The same reason you need grapefruits." The Ball is perplexed.

"Hey look; Curly-Wurlies!"

"Not the chocolate thing again," The Ball sighs.

"Wanna chomp on my Curly-Wurly?"

"Aish Take A Break"

"Mmmm I like a Big Turk myself. So Refreshers from all those Penguins."

"Now that's bestiality."

"'Tis, but you could always suck on my lollipop instead, or take a trip down Milky Way," The Crystal grins dirtily.

"I'm bored of this now. Confectionery is no match for magazines."

"Trust you to like all those pictures."

"Yes but it depends on the magazine. I only like...certain kinds of pictures," says The Ball uncomfortably.

"Oh I get it; you have a pornographic memory."

"Yes, to go with my 'psychnik technibilities'."

"Where did that phrase come from?"

"It's a long story that I can't be bothered to confuse you with. Have we finished getting all the groceries we need? If so can we get out of here? I'm missing the sight of cars crashing as drivers are distracted by my beauty as I walk down the street," The Ball says while checking himself out in a nearby mirror.

"You really think you're that hot?"

"Crystal, I'm hotter than sunburn," says The Ball matter-of-factly.

"Whatever. Don't forget we need to get greens though. If you don't eat your greens you'll...get cancer."

The Ball gives The Crystal a patronising 'you're a total moron what are you doing breathing my air?' look and heads towards the checkout.

After paying for their shopping, The Crystal and The Ball head home.

Several car crashes as a result of staring at The Ball later...

"Hello boys," says The Zap as The Crystal and The Ball return to the manor.

"Good afternoon my beautiful," The Ball responds seductively.

"WAZZAAAAAAP!!!" exclaims The Crystal.

"What." The Zap is not amused. So much so that the 'what' did not deserve the presence of a question mark.

"Wazzap. You're The Zap...wassup...wazzap. Come on that was good," The Crystal cries desperately as The Zap and The Ball do not laugh at his abysmal pun.

"The fact you had to explain what that meant proves it wasn't very good," The Ball cuts him down.

"Or it just proves you're too thick to understand it," The Crystal retorts.

"Dare you insult the Guru of Greatness?"

"I dare indeed."

The Zap has had enough. "I'm going to leave you boys to it," she says, as she walks off. "Be sexy."

"I already am," The Ball states. The Crystal questions him.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"_Really?_"

"Yes."

"Oh really?"

"What are you deaf?"

"No. You moronic imbecile whale egg."

"I know you are but what am I?" The Ball responds childishly.

"An unwanted pathetic shrivelled potato-sucking platypus."

"I know you are but what am I?"

"You camel-headed chicken-winged pistachio rabies suffering cloddertrog." Even The Crystal does not know what that meant.

"I know you are but what am I?"

"One damn sexy Friday Night Delight."

"I know I am but what are you?" The Ball grins, having won the petty argument. "And for your information, whales don't lay eggs. Dick."

The Crystal pouts before noticing something suspicious about The Ball's trousers.

"What's that bulge?" he asks.

"What bulge?"

"In your trousers."

"The bulge that is usually in a man's trousers. ...Or a woman's if they've had a strapadicktome operation," The Ball answers.

"I know what the bulge should be. It's the size of it that's the problem."

"I'm pleased you noticed I am of surplus size in the manly area," The Ball says proudly.

"That's the problem; you're not. Which means one of two things; you've either acknowledged how much you love being around me, or you've enlarged it somehow."

"By doing what exactly?" The Ball pouts.

And at that moment an eggplant falls out of The Ball's trousers.

* * *

**A/N: I love writing the dialogue between those two. I miss them as a tag team, Morrison's nowhere near as good as a face as he was as a heel. Anyhoo, I hope I can get the chance to write more UA/WWE fanfics soon. I'd rather write a series of one-shots rather than do another mini-series for a while. And I'd like to leave out the Jericho-Valkyrie-Kinesis fluff. I want to focus on the characters I've neglected. Please review, and if you want tell me who you'd like to see more of in future stories, and if there's any new characters you'd like to see and what their powers should be! I've got some of my own ideas already but reader input would be cool too! 'Til next time...**


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